The Big Day...Well, not as big as the many days to follow.

7/21/10- Well that was interesting. Gotta love the hospital/university...AKA...We are are really really smart but we are still learning. Yikes. Plus why didn't I pay attention earlier to the fact that these folks [the docs] start their residency or whatever programs in July! One of them actually made a joke that one should never have their appendix bust in July b/c it is a first year surgery that they all must do. Geezzz. Either way I know that this little angel is in the best-i-ty-best of hands. Me on the other hand. Well, I guess I should start with labor. No epidural! Not that I was one of those crazies who wanted to attempt a natural child birth, it was just that the docs couldn't find the spot to make me numb. Yikes! So here comes Demetri just as quick and easy as his sister. Push, push, baby. Only this time baby wasn't dropped onto my chest. This time baby wasn't being suctioned to cry. This time, once the docs let me look at his beautiful little body with their hand over his mouth, they rushed him to the other side of the room where a blilliant team of RT's, nurses and doctors formed what I can only describe as a human igloo. They hovered over him with a seriousness that I have never witnessed. They were mumbling at each other but I couldn't hear a word. As a stared over toward them, one of the doctors came to me and said that everything is going as fine as it could right now and that they would call me as soon as they we ready for me to see him. My thoughts: well, its literally not in my control anymore.

One would think that the next few hours waiting would be the worst but I knew that as long as they didn't come pilng into the room with their somber, no, blank, expressions on their faces[the docs], everything was going okay. When the time came that we were able to see Demetri, I didn't go. [there is some honesty for ya] I couldn't, I even pretended that I was asleep for a while. And I can't remember if it were my mom or Hector, but someone pushed me. I didn't want to and I told them that I didn't want to even see him knowing that maybe he would die soon. I went reluctantly b/c I knew it was the right thing to do. Oh, and by the way, every time Hector would go or anyone else, and they would come back to the room, I could so tell that they had just seen hell on earth: our baby on a vent fighting for his life.My family. like the hardest and toughest people around looked terrified! They had this look of pity like they felt so bad for me. Yuck, no pity please we just had a baby! Horay, or congrats would be nice.  

Hector wheeled me into the room where, I don't know, like ten other babies were also being treated. But they didn't have nothin on our guy. Whoa. Holy machines. There are even more today. The wonderful nurse started talking and explaining. I must have looked like a drugged zombie to her b/c I had no idea what she was talking about and I know my medicine. All I could see was a room full of pain. Horrible pain and NOTHING could have prepared me for that moment. Demetri was so beautiful. Still is. His little body was just pumpin and machines and tubes were coming from everywhere. That really didn't phase me. Maybe I just can't remember b/c I was in so much shock. It was only a couple of days ago. Hmm. Nope, I didn't hear the nurse, in fact I didn't even see her, I just saw horrid pain in little itty bitty bodies that could not have done anything to deserve what they were enduring. It was, and still is, like I knew somehow my boy would just have to tough this out. He is tough. It's in his blood to prevail, but what about the rest of them?

Well, that was birth, it was the baddest [like Micheal Jackson "bad"] roller coaster ride I have ever been on.
In the few days since, I am oddly really happy. Dr. Stewart [surgeon] keeps telling us how proud he is of Demetri. I keep pumping like an industrial cow and visiting Demetri in very small intervals. Hope the nurses don't think I am terrible. Guess they know everyone copes differently. I feel useless when I sit there. They are just working away on him, my kid, while I just sit there. Sucks. They are freaking awesome. What a person it takes to do that job. Love them already. And Demetri's little "primary" crew...couldn't get a better bunch.

Going to try to sleep now. The next few weeks are sure to be crazy with surgery and recovery. Prayer, prayer and more prayer. Slow and steady I guess. In the meantime, I want to be sure to write this so I can remember these things that most of us totally take for granted: No taking baby and car seat home when you get discharged, "live birth certificate" and SS card application process has a whole new fricked up meaning (kind of crappy thinking that by the time these things arrive in the mail, baby, well., nevermind... no crying baby, and the #1 thing that SUCKS with this situation and we generally take for granted...holding our precious little babies.I have not been able to hold Demetri and will not be able to in the near future so I am gonna go hold Isabel like she was a baby all over again even if she is a long a lanky 6 year old string bean, and she is gonna like it. May have to bribe her with a donut or two but I got squeeze her. It'll make me feel good.